你可以选择自己想过的生活You Can Choose the Life You Want

Occasionally, life can be undeniably, impossibly difficult. We are faced with challenges and events that can seem overwhelming, life-destroying to the point where it may be hard to decide whether to keep going. But you always have a choice. Jessica Heslop shares herpowerful, inspiring journey from the worst times in her life to the new life she has created for herself:生活有时候困难得难以置信，但又不容置疑。我们面临的挑战与困境似乎无法抵御，试图毁灭我们生活，甚至使你犹疑是否继续走下去。但是你总有选择的余地。从人生低谷走向新生活的杰西卡·赫斯乐普，在这里与我们分享她启迪心灵、充满震撼力的生活之旅。

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In 2020 I had the worst year of my life.2020年是我生活中最艰难的一年。 #

I worked in a finance job that I hated and I lived in a concrete jungle city with little greenery. I occupied my time with meaningless relationships and spent copious quantities of money on superficialities. I was searching for happiness and had no idea where to findit.我做着讨厌的财务工作，住在难寻绿色的高楼林立的城市。我忙于无意义的交往，在一些肤浅表面的东西上大笔开销。我寻找快乐，却又不知道它在哪里。

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Then I fell ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and became virtually bed bound. I had to quit my job and subsequently was left with no income. I lived with my boyfriend of then only 3 months who financially supported me and our relationship was put under greatpressure. I eventually regained my physical health, but not long after that I got a call from my family at home to say that my father’s cancer had fiercely progressed and that he had been admitted to a hospice.然后我患上了慢性疲劳综合症，几乎到了卧床不起的地步。我不得不辞掉工作，同时也就断了财源。我和那时仅相处了3个月的男友住在一起，经济上完全依赖于他，我们的关系承受着巨大压力。终于我恢复健康，但不久，我接到家里的电话，父亲的癌症急剧恶化，已经住进了临终关怀中心。

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I left the city and I went home to be with him.我离开了城市，回家陪父亲。 #

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He died 6 months later.6个月之后，他去世了。

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My father was a complete inspiration to me. He was always so strong that, for a minute after he drew his last breath, I honestly thought he would come back to life. I couldn’t believe I would never again cuddle into his big warm chest and feel safe no matter what.父亲的事让我彻底清醒。他一直很强壮，在他咽气之后一分钟里，我真的认为，他会活过来。我不能相信，我再也不能依偎在他温暖的怀抱里，享受他宽大的胸怀带给我的安全感。

The grief that followed was intense for all of us 5 children and our mother, but we had each other.母亲和我们5个兄弟姐妹极为难过，但至少我们还拥有彼此。

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But my oldest sister at that time complained of a bad back. It got so bad after 2 months that she too was admitted to hospital.但是，那时我大姐开始抱怨着背痛，2个月后，因疼痛加剧也住进了医院。

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They discovered that she had highly advanced cancer in her bones and that there was nothing that they could do.医生们检查发现，她已是骨癌晚期，对此他们已无能为力。 #

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She died 1 month later.1个月之后，她也走了。#p#分页标题#e#

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I could never put into words the loss of my sister in my life.大姐的逝去让我陷入难以形容的痛苦之中。 #

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She was a walking, talking angel and my favourite person in the whole world. If someone could have asked me the worst thing that could ever happen, it would have been losing her.在这个世界上，她是一个能走路、会说话的天使，我最喜欢的人。如果有人问我，世界上发生的最坏的事情是什么，那就是失去她。 #

She was my soul-mate and I never thought I would journey this lifetime without her.她是我的灵魂伴侣，我从来没有想过，我会走过没有她陪伴的生命旅程。 #

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The Moment Of Deliberate Choice抉择时刻 #

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The shock and extreme heart break brought me to my knees. The pain was so great and my world just looked desolate. I had no real home, no money, no job, and no friends that cared. Not one person had even sent me a sympathy card for my loss.我被打击和极度的心痛击挎了。强烈的痛苦使世界在我眼中变得如此凄凉。我没有真正意义上的家，没有钱，没有工作，也没有关心我的朋友。没有一个人因我失去亲人而寄给我慰问卡。 #

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I made an attempt of my own life and I ended up in hospital.我尝试着活下去，结果住进了医院。

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I remember lying in the hospital bed, looking up at the ceiling and seeing my sister’s beautiful face. She stayed with me all night long.我记得，躺在病床上，看着天花板，看到姐姐美丽的面庞。她整夜守候着我。 #

I realised during that night that I had a choice. I could choose to end my life or I could choose to live it.那天晚上，我意识到我可以选择。要么结束生命，要么活下去。

I looked in my sister’s eyes and I made a decision not to go with her just yet. That I would stay and complete my journey here.望着姐姐的眼睛，我决定不跟她走。我要留下来，走完我的生命旅程。 #

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I also made the decision that, I wouldn’t just live any life. I would live the life that I absolutely LOVE and nothing less.同时，我还决定，不只为生活而生活，我要完全以自己想要的方式生活。 #

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In that moment, the clarity that descended around me was like a light shining in a dark room for the first time. As if the earth’s plates had shifted under my feet and everything suddenly looked real for the first time.在那一刻，这一想法第一次清晰得如同一盏在黑暗闪烁的明灯。好像脚下的地球版块变换了，每一样东西在我眼前都真实得前所未有。